Overcoming the obstacle.

Running and body image issues have always gone hand-in-hand for me. Growing up I always felt inadequate when it came to all things athletic. I was slow and out of shape, which I attributed to my weight. The more I felt embarrassed of my lack of ability in gym class and sports, the more self-conscious I felt and self-loathing I became. I started "dieting" in sixth grade, and can think of very few times in my life when I haven't been dieting ever since then.

At Belong this past weekend, one of the other questions the guidebook asked was "What if I could overcome one obstacle in my life? What would it be?" Right away I knew I'd want to overcome my daily struggle with poor body image and constant, unrelenting striving to lose weight. I can look back on pictures over the last decade and remember what diet or exercise regimen I was on at the time. Pictures at restaurants remind me of the time I spent scouring the menus ahead of time online to decide what I could eat that would fit into my diet plan du jour (and the inevitable internal berating I'd endure afterwards when I often ordered what sounded best instead of what I was "allowed" to eat). It's honestly sad. I am regretful that so much of my mental space for my whole adolescent and adult life has been consumed with food lists and calorie counting. I've wasted so much energy agonizing over the number on the scale and the size of my jeans.

Why can't I get past this obstacle? This one thing has been holding me back from fully enjoying so much of my life- vacations, family gatherings, holidays, date nights. Maybe the two questions I answered at Belong are the key to my breakthrough. Could doing something on my wish list that I never thought I could do (running a half marathon) help me begin to truly overcome a life-long obstacle (poor body image)?

I don't want to say God told me to do this. Because I'm skeptical of stuff like that. I don't want to put God's name on my thoughts and attribute them to Him. How can I know if that's really what He has for me? At the same time, I don't want to say His hand isn't in this. It's not that running a half marathon is my calling. But it doesn't mean that it's not something I'm called to do. In fact, it could be a necessary step in God teaching me that with Him I can do hard things. It could be a lesson in endurance and discipline that I'll need to have learned for some other reason I don't yet know.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). If that's really true, and I really believe that, then we've got this.

Piece of cake.

See, I'm in the running mindset already. #carboloading